A Bewildering State (Part 1)

Wilderness I’m feeling,

Who are you, I wonder…?
So loving and caring to me…

Offering me a new existence for just a moment…
That would seem to be a life time…

All you want if for me to feel safe with you…
What is it you want to show me, I wonder…?

Why do I have to leave my body behind, I wonder…?

Will I ever be able to return, I wonder…?

I’m scared, but you know this…
But you also believe in me…

You’re in my mind… or so I believe…
Yet I can feel a completely different consciousness…

How can that be, I wonder…?

I’ve known you for quite some time…
But the feeling is so intense…

The question lingers inside me still….
What do you want to show me, I wonder…?

Will you answer me if I follow, I wonder…?

I want to be with you. I am finally comfortable with you…
I hope you’ll take care of me in this vulnerable state…

You seem to know what’s best for me when I don’t even know myself.

Lately I’ve been surrounded by a lot of negative energy, negative thoughts, negative encouragements or discouragements; being unable to an extend to decipher this world or the surrounding circling me round & round…is it cuz i am weak? distracted by life’s enigmas? distracted by thoughts or distracted by being myself? I really can’t put my hands onto something concrete yet my thoughts have threaded me into explanations over explanations and theories that no one can understand but a complex weirdo as me yet I’ll try to expand and simplify my wanders into words..

Its About the HOLE….The hole is always there. Its inward flow waits to suck fallen victims into its vacuum. For every being, a comparative hole exists, made specific to an individual’s weaknesses. A hole is a state of being where everything around you is so skewed that you yourself become unrecognizable to yourself. Ones weaknesses become indistinguishable to an individual and are instead accepted as reality, as who they are.

Entering the Hole

Every individual experiences being in the hole. In essence, everyone resides within their hole until it is recognized and steps are taken towards climbing out. Most never recognize it, most never begin the climb out.

Within the Hole

Initially, everything feels decrepit, wrong, disfigured and tainted. The world isn’t the way it looked when you were younger. Or perhaps for those deprived of their childhood, the world has always been that way, dark. After a while you get used to the dim surroundings, you start accepting that the whole world is like that and it starts eating at you. Turning you into fragmented pieces of your true self. This is where falling occurs. For the realization that the world is fecal must occur. However, it should occur with the knowledge that fragments of beauty and beams of light also exist.

And that ones true self is also that. Pure. Innocent. Beautiful. For most, this doesn’t occur. The knowledge of beautiful things dissolves and so does knowledge of ones true self. The realization of the world as a cold, cruel place comes with losing ones true identity. Within the hole the weaknesses of the individual becomes amplified and all consuming.

The weaknesses no longer seem like their weaknesses, it seems like it is a part of reality, a part of the world, a part of them. This seems so and holds true when the individual changes and becomes part of the skewed world. They merge with world, as do their weaknesses, adding to the wasteland of the world. Their true nature goes away and they become skewed to match the skewed surroundings of the world.

 

…..The Outcome

– yet to be experimentally concluded –

 

 

~A spoken word is a moment. A written word is eternal~

Moe R.

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