INSECURITY & IMPLICATIONS (SCENE 2)

Fear 2: Rejection

Description: Being desired less by someone I want to be desired by.
Correct Cause: Someone logically asserting why we are incompatible through no inadequacies on either of our parts.

Incorrect Cause: Rejection due to misunderstandings, overwhelming fears, or a previously miss-judged lack of desire to begin with.

Case Study Conditioning: Again, from a youth I was not very popular or cool. I was rejected secretly by both girls and boys and my friends were a lot but far and few between I managed to get along with yet the mass number I know.
Being anti-social at 1st then migrating to a drastically highly social person, matched with my own rebellions at home, I was made to feel extremely unwelcomed by anyone in any capacity.

This continued throughout most of my life and I now find myself naturally alien to anyone around me but wouldn’t confess. I do not perceive myself as a fitting member of the world and actually view myself as somewhat of a “stranger”. As such, when I enter relationships I quickly decipher what superficial insignificant reasons a person has for desiring me. I find it impossible to believe that someone would desire a “stranger” like me for deeper more sophisticated reasons. This is further re-enforced by numerous relationships I have had in the past that have failed due to a person’s realization that they truly don’t desire me, but only thought I did because I fulfilled a particular superficial stupid need in their lives. Once this realization has been made, they move on with little to no emotional anguish.

Psychological Effect: I have compensated my fears of rejection in regards to my physical being due to arbitrated conditioning to not expect to be desired in that way. I still hope and expect to be loved for who I am, but am very weary of this possibility and constantly fear someone I am close to “waking up” and realizing that the position I play in their life is no longer needed.
Once this position has expired, there is nothing left to desire, as has traditionally been the case. In essence, because I am such an alien presence in this world, no one else in this world could possibly love or want someone like me because they will not know or understand who I am. They will think they love or desire me, but it will always end up being the position I play in their lives.

Footnote: I don’t fully know how deeply this fear affects me, but I do know that I believe everyone in my life will leave me before I leave them. Similar to vulnerability, I constantly yearn to be desired by someone for who I am, and it is this need that most likely causes me to write articles like this one.

 

~A spoken word is a moment. A written word is eternal~

Moe R.

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