INSECURITY & IMPLICATIONS (FINAL SCENE)
Fear 3: Inadequacy
Description: Feeling worthless compared to anyone around me. When I am made to feel inadequate I feel very small and suffer bouts of pain and anger.
Correct Cause: A failure in attempting to improve your life and better yourself in physical, emotional, and economic ways.
Incorrect Cause: Believing someone else’s incorrect perception of you. Their perception may be due to natural mistakes, but is usually the biased result of their own inadequacy.
Case Study Conditioning: One of the methods of control my family has used on me to control my behavior has been to make me feel inadequate about myself. In achieving this, I feel less certain about my own natural desires and open myself to the possibility of abiding by exactly what they want. This, matched with my lack of desirability in my social interactions with the rest of the world certifies that being an alien in this world, I am truly inadequate compared to those that do fit in and I managed to fit in perfectly but it didn’t seem that it’s that much of a change for me.
Psychological Effect: I find that almost all of my pride and confidence arises at a very slow pace, if at all. There is very little I pride myself on, and when I receive compliments I refer to my fear of rejection and assume the person is complimenting me for some personal desire of their own. I find it easy to question myself on a daily basis, given a comment from a total stranger or my own parents. I tend to believe the world is right before I trust myself. This causes me to slightly fear the world as a whole, for as I build my own confidence in solitude, much of it is torn away by a simple look or phrase uttered by someone who is most likely commenting to compensate their own inadequacies, and has no relevant bearing on who or what I am.
Footnote: Although inadequacy is less tangent of a fear, it is perhaps the most defining base characteristic of “insecurity”. If one feels less than someone else, they can easily be victimized by a host of other attacks, including guilt and rejection.
Although I was very weak as a child, I am much stronger now and I’ve built a strong layer of confidence over the last few years. Although this usually protects me from the words of strangers, those close to me still have the quick ability to make me feel worthless. Interestingly, I logically perceive myself as a spectacular human being with a host of skills and traits that few others have, yet that information does not successfully pass clearly into my mind and is somehow defiled before it actually makes me feel proud.
These three insecurities, if removed, would result in quite a complete human being in myself. There may be others, but these three are probably the largest culprits. They spawn all kinds of varied instabilities in myself and I can empathize with each one of them disappearing. I empathize not needing anyone in an illogical and weak way, yet not sheltering myself in an overly aggressive way.
~A spoken word is a moment. A written word is eternal~